27 6 / 2011
LOVE YOURSELF.
i remember telling you that,
being miles away from you and others makes me recall little snippets of thoughts I’ve dared to share with people.
and as depressing as it is, i wonder if you remember the bits that i do, so if, when, i die, we will share the same memories.
bottom line…. if i died in a bombing, a plane crash, a shooting, something unexpected, what would you define as ‘the person Emily was to me’.
i do wonder.
18 6 / 2011
bit of a love-hate situation.
I love it when she’s sleeping and peaceful.
I hate it when she doesn’t understand the meaning of ‘stop crying now’
I love it when she creeps into my room of a morning and then yells ‘ELLLLIE’.
I hate it when she sits in the car and kicks and screams because she can’t tell me what she wants
I love it when she runs towards me instead of the person who is calling her.
I hate it when she doesn’t answer me when i know she’s stealing a biscuit
I love it when I get to dress her and she looks better than all the other children
I hate it when she takes her shoes off in protest that she doesn’t want to walk
I love it when I can take her out for a walk and feed her chocolate till she falls asleep.
I hate it when I take her for a walk and people frown at me because they assume I’m a ‘teenage mum’.
I love her, i really do.
The love out-weighs the hate, it really does.
14 6 / 2011
it’s always great to know…
that things are going to change and when you’re on the other side of the world, you have no power.
at the end of the day, if everyone who i left behind is still alive when i return- i’m happy.
13 6 / 2011
i still have the mind of a child
mum always told me that the one person you’re going to marry is somewhere out there in the world.
since i was told this, it processed in my mind that I had to travel the world to find that one person. that there was only one person out of six billion that was for me and considering how big the world is, i would have to travel for a few years to find him.
at the age of 18 i still have the mind-set that the one person i will love and marry is somewhere in the world and i have to find him. like it’s a life mission or something.
only today did i realise that i haven’t grown up. I haven’t realised that we aren’t ‘assigned’ a person to love in life. there isn’t just one person.
but you know what, i’d rather know there was one person i’d fall in love with than go through the journey and pain of falling in and out of love with people who used to be strangers.
I wish i was a child again. but i have grown up.
13 6 / 2011
i was watching a lady engaging with her much loved dog the other night. she was so proud of how she had trained him and a smile widened across her face as a few children started to come over for a pat. she started telling one of the fathers about all the ‘doggie details’ and how it was no harm to the children. as sad as it may seem, the only thing i could think of at this time, was how sad and lonely she will be when that dog dies. I had an image in my head of her skin looking grey and her face looking long and worn.
little Whiskas in this picture lived in house for one night and when she died, we all had a little squirmy feeling in our stomach.
that was only one night. imagine loosing something or someone you’ve loved your whole life.
13 6 / 2011
a few little random ‘things’
sometimes, you hear someone say a phrase you’ve never heard before. or you hear two words put together that some how make sense and make absolutely no sense at the same time.
turbulent relationship
delicate sneeze
sky-high fall
maybe I am listening with care because of an accent but for some reason little things are sticking with me. I might not remember what i had for my last meal but i have kept these few phrases in my memory for the past three weeks.
one day, i’m going to collect all these little ‘things’ and make a song.
so here’s some food for thought…
every time you speak to me, my mind is processing the best of what you say into a song.
25 4 / 2011
Greyson Chance.
a little singer who defines amazing.
every time I listen to him, i feel comforted.
words with meaning and a voice with grace.
Thank you for bring your music into the lives of the people who need the motivation.
peace to you young lad.
xx
19 4 / 2011
as ‘loser-ish’ as it may sound, for my 18th birthday I am getting a record player. we bought it today and may possibly be the best purchase of my life.
(Source: deniserrr, via goonontherocks)
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